2005-06-01 - 11:57 p.m.
To celebrate my first day of post-college graduate employment Kerry took a picture of me this morning before I dashed out of the house to get the “R” train. I told her my mother would have done the exact same thing, comparing it in my mind to the photos she always insisted on taking on the first day of school when I was little. Kerry laughed and said, “I am glad your Mom and I are on the same page.”
And now I am dancing alone in my room, confusing the cat, trying to fight off nagging depression and guilt with flailing arms and swinging hips.
I am unsure where to settle- not in terms of physical place- I feel very strongly about my decision to stay in New York City- but in terms of mental and emotional space. Though I am fully preparing this next stretch of time to be full of difficult transitions (maybe even “the worst year of my life” as someone so candidly put it, though it couldn’t be much worse than junior year of high school, that I am sure of), I am also feel fairly confident in my self and my visions for working for social justice and a world filled with expression and art, open to seeing where this vision and commitment can lead me. But, but… a dinner with Andy filled with helpful advice and reflections pulls me back to the baffling questions about trying to organize and create social and political change right now… and so I am struggling to find a balance between hope and trust in my self and the time that things take and the need to assess and move and not let the reality of the slowness of change slow down the urgency of facing the political realities of the world.
