2005-03-21 - 8:26 a.m.
I am overwhelmed by stories. I have just spent the last several hours going through four boxes and a pile of zines, which I have already gone through before, and sifting out stories, searching for quotes for the thesis paper I am writing. Rereading so many powerful words by such strong and beautiful women and trannies has got my head spinning. Some of these people I am still in touch with, are my best friends, the people I see everyday. Some I met once, in passing and some never at all. In many ways looking through all these zines has reminded me about the ways time is passing. It seems like just yesterday that Elissa handed me Hope #19, slid it over the table at Java ‘n Jazz, an unfortunately named neon lit cafe north of union square that is no longer there, but I look at the date and it says “2001”. What? Where have four years gone? I know precisely, and yet these stories are taking me back into all the other lives and realities that have been lived through this time and the power of writing down and sharing the things that haunt and obsess you, the questions we constantly negotiate around power and privilege, action and silence.
How many ways and in how many times must I restate to those who don’t get it that personal story is important, that the lives we live lead to the theory and politics we create?
Tomorrow I am going to Halifax for my (dude) spring break. Kerry and I joked about me showing up in a bikini, horrifying my mild mannered friends by yelling “Dude, where’s the beach?” in the 20 degree weather. Instead my backpack is full of books and zines, and I am hoping for quiet days filled with coffee and the sounds of the CBC to aid my writing about the power of zines and their connection to anti-racist feminist theory. It seems like a stretch some days, especially when I find myself cursing the existence of the piles of unread zines and half read books on my floor, so much ink spilled for what... But it is then that I must continually remember and seek out the power of personal stories when connected to larger issues, the potential we have to support, challenge and inspire each other through dialogue, written and spoken. I think I am searching for the next step by retracing and scrutinizing my past ones.
