2003-10-31 - 11:31 p.m.
Tonight was one of those times where I feel like I am in the perfect place for me right now. Halloween is always a surreal day and today was made such by people in costumes everywhere- the highschool kids at my internship in costume, people on the subway in costume, people on the sidwalks trying to make it to the Halloween parade. It becomes this weird kind of day where people can live out some kind of dream, or something. It also makes me think about the ways we perform our daily lives and how Halloween can encourage us to perform something different. It makes me more inspired to think more about my day to day performance- but then that makes me tiring.
But the best group that were all in costume was definetly Critical Mass. This marks my first Critical Mass in NYC and my first Critical Mass since horrible run ins with PDX cops on Buy Nothing day in 2000. So it was a really healing experience for me in that way- to ride in Critical Mass and have it be fun. I felt happy that my friends Thomas and Sarah were there with me and were really awesome about sticking together. It was also amazing to run into friends i haven't seen in awhile, aquaitences I always like but never see, the kind of thing that makes NYC feel like a small town.
I seldom have felt anything better than the feeling of cruising down Broadway to Canal street, up the west side, through times square, and through a tunnel by grand central station I never knew existed, with hundreds of other bikers in costume.
But the best part was riding accross the Queensborough bridge, stopping and looking at the huge, glittering city spread out below me. I could hardly see the Manhattan bridge I cross almost everyday, I couldn't see the Verazzano, which I see out my window. I turned to Sarah and remarked, "This city is really big." And standing there, the river so far below, buffeted by late fall wind, I felt a part of it somehow.
Usually I feel so vulernable here- like I can be crushed in an instant under the weight of all that is here. But tonight, after blocking traffic and coasting down streets with so many hundreds of other people on bikes, I feel tough. My muscles are tired, but I feel stronger than I have in ages.
The politics of critical mass can be weird- I aggree. What does it mean to block taxis, people who make their living by how fast they can make it through the snarles of NYC traffic. But at the same time, most of the people who were down right mean and rude (including trying to run down Thomas and I on the west side highway while we cursed them out, not an experience I want to relive, or tell my Mom about) were rich folks driving shiney new SUVs. I know it sounds like I am creating an activist cliche, but it was true! But I think what is so encouraging about this Critical Mass was being part of an energetic, fun group that is making a statement about community and sustainable transportation and use of resources. I feel tough being in a group like this, knowing I am a part as I cruise through another red light, seeing fellow bikers blocking cars (I know, punk rock cliches, okay). I need this kind of hope and toughness.
Bikes won't stop war, or end systemic oppression. It's not as simple as having an experience that feels so amazing, that feels freeing and declaring "It was revolutionary." However, I need these kinds of events to show me one of the many different communities I help create here in the city, to feel less crazy and less alone in my thinking about and striving for an idea of collective "liberation."
