2003-09-18 - 8:53 p.m.
I am testing the waters with liking, no, maybe even loving, New York. I am giving into it just a little bit, saying, seeing how it feels at first. I am trying to trust it, saying "Please don't stomp on my heart again." But the thing is, this city is inherently fickle. And in these hard times, for someone who cares about other people, there's always something that could break my heart. But I am loving my friends and the busy-ness, the style... I have started wearing shirts with horses on them for the first time in about 9 years. I am cursing the slow (and expensive) subways, the garbage everywhere, but I am knowing this is all part of it. I am appreciating sunsets over the west village seen from classroom windows, and I am loving the time I have put aside for staying in my apartment. Though it did get a little intense on Monday when I didn't leave ALL DAY except to do my laundry. Moderation, I tell myself.
One of my classes planted the question of connecting trends in globalization to what is happening in the New York City public schools, and in schools around the country (this is a class on education). I am thinking about trends towards privatizing education- Snapple and Bill Gates giving millions to schools in New York. But what does that mean- raising kids on corn syrup and microsoft? I am thinking about how schools are training people to be consumers, to exist in (though this doesn't mean survive) the free market. I like this way of thinking because previously, for some reason, I wasn't able to connect my desire to be an educator with my anti-globalization/anti-corporate/anti-capitalist beleifs. So I am wondering how to help instill in students (of whatever age) the seeds of critique of the systems we are placed in and help support, as well as encouraging their interest in learning.
It scares me in part to consider teaching. Especially in New York. It puts the privileges I have in sharp constrast to many of the kid's in New York School's lives (and this is not to say that automatically "urban" means kids from "broken" families and "bad" homes- because that goes back to some of the "culture of poverty" myths that have been bandied about for decades now). But the Dept. of Ed really screws teachers and students over it seems, from the bit of reading I have done about it. And so to think about trying to teach in this environment or any enviornment, it's hard. And sure, I've done lots of reading, but I am at a loss of how to apply it. I think about "Education" so much I cease to beleive it can even happen in the classroom or that it can be an effective to counter some of the horrors of the oppressive systems we are part of and scary times we are living in. But at this point I need to beleive in it, not only because I am heavily invested in my own education (in many senses) but becase from my own experience, this is what has helped me articulate my own voice.
