2003-08-13 - 12:44 p.m.
So I've started the inevitable packing of boxes and bags. I shake my head at the dust that has gathered on the pile of books I brought to read this summer. I ignored these books in favour of the temporary commitment to books from the Multnomah country library instead. Whereever I go, books are always stuffed into ever last pocket and bag, squeezing in in the last nooks of space. I'm not so much in a fenzy though that I can't stop to kiss Squitten the cat on the top of his head and scoop him up in my arms, humming him songs.
This is an amazing summer on so many levels- I never beleived that the Zine Symposium and the Zine Workshops I taught could go as well as they did. I am feeling like I am ready to learn more in school, to see where my classes will take me next, and this summer taught me a lot about applying theory, applying those communication and critical thinking skills I am honing in the classroom to the work that I am doing outside of it (or in other classrooms, in a facilitator as opposed to student role).
I am learning agin about taking emotional risks too- learning about how to articulate feelings and desires and I still feel so shy sometimes, but it amazes me how I have stumbled into knowing someone who is like me and different from me in what feels like all the right ways. And what's so important is that I feel like even though this relationship that has developed makes me feel really good, my self esteem doens't hinge on it. I know I'll be able to feel whole in my more prudish, hermitish life in the big city, but also that it is possible to relate to someone else.
Which brings me to another thought about this summer- my constant question of location wasn't settled like I thought it might be. My heart is still strung accross the 3,000 miles and 10 states that separate us. It makes me think of a lyric from Mapquest to Your Heart, Steve and I's band which was have decided is "for real".
(these lyrics are by Steve) "Distance makes the heart grow fonder, distance, makes the heart wander, so fly away, drive away, from here."
